inkskinned:

sometimes you grow up and look back and the people you used to look up to seem different. it’s a messy feeling. the singer you used to idolize turns out to be just a person, and sometimes a bad one. your best friend isn’t actually that good of one: she treats you like you’re incapable of anything because she’s used to being the better one. the girl you loved is selfish and never loved you back; just loves it when she’s getting attention. the boy you grew up with doesn’t share anything in common with you.

sometimes you try and force these things to fit. sit in cafes with them and realize that you have nothing to say and nothing to do. blame yourself for being tired or hungry or distracted or all three. that this person you loved is in the right. it’s you who is wrong about everything.

but at a certain point you’re standing there and holding these precious things and you realize they need to stay precious. that if you keep trying to force them to be what they used to be, you’re forcing yourself to be who you used to be, too. and you’re different now. a better you. sometimes things need to stay in the past so they can stay good. and sometimes perspective gives you the chance to say “you know what. i think leaving is good.”

it’s not a great feeling. i’m used to being left behind. don’t like being alone. loyal to a fault. but the truth is it’s better to realize it sooner. that there are people it’s not worth it for. that you’ve been trying to see the best in but who will never open the door. that at one point you were maybe right for. 

but they stayed put while you move forward.