inkskinned:

i hate it but i want to be back where it was easy. i just mean i used to eat things without worrying. dessert coming first didn’t make me feel guilty, i didn’t have to say “we’re being bad tonight” and mean more than being unhealthy. when someone hurt you by accident they’d just say sorry instead of defending themselves why you deserved to get hit. stuff was easier. if you didn’t like her you just weren’t her friend. if you loved her you got married on the playground and nobody made fun of it. when you said “i’m tired” the teacher suggested naptime, not “get over it”. 

i know i’m an adult. i know it’s silly. i know i have plenty of things like mac and cheese and dino socks and a credit card i can use to buy pizza. but i also just want to sleep and wake up and start over. go back to where it went wrong and tell myself. it’s okay about the dessert and when they call you fat cover your ears. when he hits you, hit back, and get out of there. when she hurts you, stop talking to her, even if you’re worried you won’t have friends after. yeah, you like her, and people will hate you for it. kiss her anyway. be tired. but get out of bed, my love. take advantage of all of it. can i be my own guardian angel? go back in time and untangle all of it?