Tag: THIS

biff-donderglutes:

pettydavis:

im-prada–u-nada:

this is a very fifth eye open galaxy brain mood

60 weeks of DBT group in one tweet

wildparsnip:

how do i know if i should care about someone? or, if i already do feel myself caring, how do i know if i should stop? am i putting too much effort into a one-sided thing? or am i being a good friend? is this person worth all my worrying and nervous planning? does it even matter? they will leave, anyway. no matter what happens, i will lose them.. it’s just a matter of time. because that’s what happens to all the friendships i have ever had. then the other side hits me… you only live once. don’t burn bridges. be caring and thoughtful. reach out to the people you care about. check up on people. but … is this person even worth that? is this person too emotionally stunted and damaged and in need of therapy to be worth my time and attention? i don’t know… i feel like all this is stuff that i should have experienced in high school, but i was too busy being a depressed and violently emotional recluse 

yousyouk:

theymeanaspecs:

spanishthealpaca:

glitchymickey:

theenglishmanwithallthebananas:

theenglishmanwithallthebananas:

actually you know what?

new law: if a post mentions aces or aros or qpps or any other aspec terminology, AT ALL, double check that the op isnt an exclusionist dickbag.

so many of these posts have stealth hatred in them. You might not see it because it’s not meant for you. but believe me, we aspecs will get the message.

if you really consider yourself allied with aspecs, the least y’all can do is make sure you aren’t doing aphobes dirty work for them.

actually can yall reblog this cause i am sick and tired of people acting like they have “no opinion” on the ace discourse and then reblogging shit making fun of us. you all allowed that shitty “aphobe blocklist” meme, you all left us high and dry for this entire shitty harassment campaign, staying out of it while watching us be degraded and bullied. you don’t get to say you “don’t have an opinion.”

step the fuck up to the plate fuckers, “don’t reblog shit that’s actively hurting us” is the the BARE FUCKING MINIMUM you can do.

Some stuff to look out for, and explanations for each:

(Terms are bolded, explanations are italicized)

-LGBTPN – (started by exclusionists, but has traveled outside of the group. This term does not necessarily mean that they’re a dick- there’s a good chance they don’t even know it was started by them- but please be cautious anyway)

-anything that involves aces/aros/aroaces and UwU/Tumblr culture/etc. – (a lot of exclusionists like to dress asexuality up like it’s just weird kids around puberty who don’t feel sexual attraction because, well, they’re kids, and like asexuality is a tumblr-exclusive sexuality. They tend to make posts like this to mock ace people because they believe these things- think of a person who says something okay, but with heavy sarcasm that makes the words pointed like a dagger. This is, of course, another instance where you need to check the OP more than anything else, along with whoever reblogged it, since plenty of people make ‘uwu valid’ posts about other sexualities. They’re kind of annoying for other sexualities, yeah, but the reason they’re more harmful for the ace community is because of their belief that aces are a ‘Tumblr special snowflake’ category, along with the ‘aces are the sexuality fandom’ post.)

– Specifically anything that mentions cishet aces/Aros being valid. – (there’s this odd culture in exclusionist circles where they will attempt to be actively harmful to ace peeps, actively campaigning for Ace exclusion, talking about how they’re not real, mentioning aces as ‘Tumblr culture’ and stuff, but also somehow insisting ‘I do think they’re valid, they’re just not LGBT.’ Basically, what they’re doing is saying ‘cishet aces/aros, you’re valid uwu you’re just not real, not LGBT, need to realize you’re harmful, and I want you to die.’- and no, that’s not an exaggeration.)

–Things that mention any variation of ‘Cishets’/‘Hets Can’t Be LGBT.’ – (this can also be against bi/pan/poly people in an opposite-gender relationship, as well as gay or straight trans people. On the surface, it looks like a ‘yeah no fucking shit’ kind of post, but exclusionists of all of these people have a tendency to call everyone Cishets- which, of course, includes het aces, het aros, and Cis aroaces. The reason this is harmful should be clear, but in case it isn’t- bisexuals, pansexuals, and polysexuals are still bi, pan, and poly, even in an opposite sex relationship, straight trans people are still trans, gay trans people are gay and trans, not ‘straight in disguise’, and aces/aros/aroaces are ace/aro/aroace. This line of thought is essentially excluding almost everyone except Cis gays and cis people in same-sex relationships (if the person is a terf, otherwise it would exclude everyone not in a same-sex relationship- including Bisexual, Pansexual, and Polysexual peeps.)

–URLs that mention ‘allo’- (this is a strictly exclusionist thing. Allosexual is a word used by Aces to describe anyone who isn’t ace, and it’s counterpart, Alloromantic, is used by aros to describe those who feel romantic attraction. These words are harmless- the Aro/ace versions of a trans person calling Cis people Cis- but, for whatever reason, they feel that us calling them Allo is somehow attacking them. Because of this, a lot of people will take the word ‘allo’ and put it in their URL, assuming that us calling them allo is like us saying ‘you’re dirty for feeling sexual/romantic attraction.’ Basically, they think of allo as a kind of slur that they’re reclaiming, which is extremely wrong, but w/e. A lot of us have kinda been shamed out of using these terms most of the time, so be cautious of any post mentioning ‘Allo’ nowadays.)

– Userbox Tumblrs and Stimboard/Moodboard tumblrs. – (I have no idea whatsoever as to why this is, but a lot of userbox and Stimboard tumblrs are run by exclusionists. No, this isn’t saying ‘don’t go reblogging userboxes or stimboards’, this is basically more of a ‘if they don’t have a banner that says ‘exclusionists donmt interact’, please check their blogs.’.)

– Pride Icon tumblrs that make icons of characters like Jughead Jones or Todd Chavez with flags that aren’t ace/ Pride Icon Tumblrs who refuse to make icons with the ace flag. (Before you get pissed, especially considering how popular Riverdale has become, these characters are very much ace. Jughead is Aroace. These characters are confirmed, meaning that they, especially Jughead, should not be made with any other flags. Also, the second one should be obvious why.)

That’s all I can think of offhand, feel free to add more.

– ‘Cringe’ posts that focus on aro and/or ace people being (implied as) obnoxious or irrational. – (Humour posts wherein the punchline is how cringey an aro and/or ace person is being and seeing them dragged for it, usually wherein the cringe factor is said person using aspec terminology freely, making jokes about their own identity the equivalent of which y’all would never bat an eyelash at if it were made by a gay person about being gay – or just generally referring to their own identity. Alternatively, posts that make fun of aro/ace people in general being supposedly cringey or unreasonable in defense of their identities with things like suggesting that, uh… aphobes are bad. You’d think that this would be fairly obvious and something that only exclusionists get into in the first place; and yet, the number of times I’ve seen inclusionist ‘allies’ wantonly reblog this nonsense is… too many. Step up, start critiquing the ideas you share and stop pretending like you don’t already know humour is one of the greatest tools of invalidation in the oppressor’s toolbox if you want to have the right to claim that you don’t hate us.)

A recent example of the first form of this is the BBC Sherlock/‘asexual agreement’ post, the meaning behind which would actually be quite obvious for anyone who bothered to consider the asexual perspective for more than 2 secionds before acting on their driving love of making fun of us.

The second form, which correlates more reliably to use by actual exclusionists but that I have still seen in use by purported allies, includes the aforementioned, infamous ‘aphobe blocklist’ meme and jokes like ‘OP is an aphobe’ or ‘[x character/real person] asexual moodboard’ jokes.

Are… are any of you serious?

Just FYI: if you reblog these posts, especially as a person with the education and awareness on oppression dynamics that comes standard in Tumblr culture, you are already aphobic.

This point is hardly a question of ‘not knowing.’ Whether or not you consciously recognised your intent in giving support to these posts as Being Aphobic, I can assume that you were acting on some degree of (latent) aphobia. And if you reblogged them as an aro/ace person, it’s still likely that you have some degree of internalised aphobia that you need to work out.

And hey – if that’s the case, this isn’t the end. We’ve all internalised bigotry in various forms at some point; finding that you’ve continued to do so doesn’t condemn you for life. Not as long as you make an effort to move forward. But make no mistake; it is an issue of bigotry – if you know you wouldn’t do the same with other orientations or minorities, you need to take a good look at what it is that makes us so different to you.

Here’s a great general guide!

This is an absolutely fantastic guide and yes, that end part is correct, if you find yourself laughing at a whole orientation because of one embarrassing person and wouldn’t find a joke with a different minority orientation funny… congratulations, you are being aphobic.

if you would laugh at other orientations then you’re also homophobic, biphobic, etc on top of that of course.

Note also that though there’s been this trend of “cringe culture is dead and was always ableist in its own way”, the mocking of aces and aros for cringe continues…

I’m sure it’s no coincidence that asexuals and aromantics are mocked using the same techniques as anti-autistic ableism too, given there’s a significant proportion of autistic aros/aces/aroaces and the “coding” that aphobes allow us to have (and by that i mean cishet aphobes, i.e. the majority of them) is almost always the same as ableist coding used for austism.