I think a lot of us around here know the struggle to be happier with our bodies without plunging into unhealthy-doomed-to-fail-diets. So, as someone who has gotten to a pretty good place over the last 10 years since leaving the hellhole that is high school, some tips. Not all of these will work for you, but theeu did work for me. Some strategies to try:
1. Find things you have easy control over and enjoy the hell out of it. Hair color, tattoos, sparkly nails. Enjoy the parts of your look that are easy to control. I never loved my upper arms until I covered them in flowers.
2. Stop doing stuff that makes you miserable or stressed just because you are “supposed to”. For me, that was shaving. Hated it. Made me anxious. Stopped doing it. It helped a lot. No one has ever burst into flames because I have armpit hair.
3. Buy a kickass jacket. Now you look awesome no matter what. This also works for boots and very loud jewelry.
4. Find some self care routines that are easy and make you feel good. I recommend some face lotion with low spf in the morning and some multivitimans and moisturizing wipes for before bed.
5. In the morning when you get dressed, look in the mirror and compliment yourself. You look awesome, bad ass, adorable, cute as fuck. This might feel like a lie at first. One day, it wont.
6. Absolutely stop counting calories. This is not helpful. Not only does it make eating stressful, it isnt doing anything for your health. Calories are meaningless. 100 calories of spinach and 100 calories of rice and 100 calories of chicken are all very different nutritionally, both good and bad. Foods dont exist on a good/bad binary and no single number is going to help you be healthy. (In general, minimize carbs and sugar. Maximize protein and leafy veggies. But its ok to splurge. Food should bring you joy. FOOD SHOULD BRING YOU JOY.)
7. Find a fitness goal that doesnt involve your weight. Exercising feels good and can help with body image, but not if you end every session by stepping on a scale. I’m training to hike the grand canyon. I need endurance amd muscle mass. My weight literally doesnt matter for that.
8. If you are getting ready for your day and you start to second guess your outfit- repeat after me “I am not obligated to look perfect all the time. It’s ok for me to be comfortable. I don’t owe anyone my looks.” The world won’t end if you go to Target without looking fuckable enough. Its ok. Most people really wont give a shit, and those who would be upset by how a stranger looks in public are gross weirdos.
9. Clothes shopping sucks because ready made clothes are meant to look good on hangers, not on human bodies. Take your time, dont blame yourself for the clothes sucking, dont feel obligated to buy clothes that dont look good because you WANT them to look good.
10. Sometimes what you need is a big glass of water and a good stretch. Back bend, toe touch, torso twist. No joke, look up some easy yoga moves. Let your body breathe.
My final note is this: dont judge yourself by pictures and selfies and scales. Its impossible to take a good photo of the moon or a rainbow on your cellphone. Some beauty can not be captured by still images. You don’t owe the world your beauty. Your body doesnt need to be curated for others. Its your home. Its the only place you get to live. Its no ones but yours. Snuggle into it, paint the walls, find your peace there.
I really like that most of the notes are people talking about the specific jacket/boots/outfit that makes them feel good. Lol
When communicating to someone about a sensitive topic, I’ve found it’s helpful to explain why you want to talk about it. If you say you’re worried, or hurt, or just needed to get it off your chest, it can help the other person not get defensive and then more completely process what you’re saying.
Many relationships die by a thousand little cuts. Little problems that on their surface are penny-ante. But the real offense, the hurt, is unresolved. And the little hurts pile up and the resentment builds until things fall apart.
It’s very easy for people to read a bad intent when you’re communicating a problem. Sometimes it’s a natural defense mechanism, if you think someone is just being shitty then you don’t have to really hear them. But it can just as often simply be an incorrect assumption. Communicating your intent can stop that from happening and help the conversation come to a more fruitful resolution.
But if you break it down, your intent is not just a lubricant to keep the conversation productive. Your intent is the point of the conversation. More often than not the problems we have with each other are not the real issue, it’s how those problems make us feel. When you communicate your intent, you’re fully explaining the issue that needs to be resolved.
“I’ve been missing you, could you skip your TV show tonight so we can play a video game together?” works better than “You don’t give me enough attention.” or “you watch too much TV.”
Or “I suspect it’s just my anxiety, but I’m worried that you’re angry with me because you’ve been kind of quiet.” is better than just “Why are you so distant?”
For years I worried that we couldn’t discuss problems because it would cause a fight. That was how the world I lived in as a kid worked. Having a partner who is open to hearing you is huge, but choice of wording helps even when you have a partner who wants to hear you.
very good advice. it really helps when you give the other person something actionable. a request, a suggestion, an offer to brainstorm. don’t complain; troubleshoot.
you don’t have to be emotionless or conciliatory. it’s ok to express anger. just be mature about it, and respect the other person. don’t go on a power trip, don’t leverage your legitimate gripes to make them grovel. keep your eyes on the prize. if you don’t know what the prize is, the next step is to tell them so and invite them to help you figure it out, not to moan until they miraculously do the right thing at random. even when you’re super upset you can still apply these skills.
wrong: “this place is a damn landfill because nobody but me does any housework!”
right: “there is some serious housekeeping fail going on around here. it’s kinda driving me bugfuck. i want to sit down and take a look at how we do the housework, because how we’re doing it right now sucks.”
see how the second one doesn’t blame? blame’s not important. responsibility is important, but that has to be worked out calmly or it’s not going to be functional. the first person is picking a fight; the second person is trying to solve a problem. you’ll notice they’re not smoothing ruffled feathers or acting apologetic, they’re clearly quite annoyed. but they’re aiming their anger at the situation, not the person.
even if they are angry with their housemate, working those feelings out is beyond the scope of the conversation. trying to combine venting with chore planning is, imo, the number one cause of screaming kitchen fights on planet earth.
– They clean your air – They give you something to name – They give you something to take care of – They teach you about care, needs, and resources – They make you look like you’re good at decorating
Here are some of mine:
But some people, because they’re overwhelmed or simply can’t figure out how to start, think that plants are out of their reach.
Pro tip: Half & half lasts longer than milk, and cream lasts longer than half & half. I try to keep a little tiny carton in the fridge because you never know when you’ll need to add a splash of [dairy product] into a sauce or a pasta, but it’s not worth getting a whole jug of milk and watching it go bad.
Pro tip #2: You can make mashed potatoes. Yes, you in the corner who doesn’t cook much. It’s easy, it’s delicious, and it’s very very satisfying to do.
(I’m saying this because growing up, making “real” mashed potatoes was a Big Deal. We used the flake kind out of the box. I was so amazed when a previous roommate showed me… it’s really no harder to just make them for realsies.)
Here’s the whole deal.
You get a quantity of potatoes. If it’s just you, get two medium-sized brown ones, or three red ones (which are smaller.) If it’s you and a friend, three browns or five reds. And so on.
Peel ‘em or just wash ‘em really good (with water! not soap!!!) if you like skins in your mash. Then cut them into chunks. Size doesn’t matter (wink wink nudge nudge), it just helps them cook faster and be in your mouth sooner. I normally end up with cubes about an inch, two inches in size.
Put them in a saucepot and pour enough water in so that it covers the tops of all the potatoes. Heat over medium, medium-high, whatever, until the potatoes feel soft when you stick a fork in them.
Oh my stars and garters, are you almost done! You are!
Take the pot off the stove, drain the water out, and… drumroll… MASH THE POTATOES. With a fork or a wooden spoon or a fancy masher if you have one. Splash some of the aforementioned Emergency Dairy Product in there and two tablespoons of butter to help get things moving.
Too dry? A second splash of dairy. Too bland? More butter, salt, whatever. Your potatoes are cooked, they are soft and crumbly, and now you just make them taste like what you want. Cheese? Chives? Garlic? Have fun.
And oh my gosh, look at that, you have fresh homemade mashed potatoes and all you did was throw cut up potatoes in a pot, boil them, and add yums.
It’s a good feeling for your brain and also your tummy to make things to feed yourself.
A friendly commenter @nawba taught me how to find big uncompressed images on Tumblr. Thank you @nawba!! This might not work forever or for everyone but it works well for me!
Right click the image to get the image URL.
Replace “https://78.media.tumblr.com/” at the beginning of the URL with “https://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/”
Replace “_1280.jpg” at the end of the URL with “_raw.jpg”
This should give you an image that’s probably bigger and definitely clearer (less compressed) than what you see on the Tumblr dashboard or on the usual web page.
You can try it yourself with this drawing:
I dislike how Tumblr compresses my images. At least now I can find good copies of my images via my own blog, if not on my own blog. Also it helps when looking for cool wallpaper or background images.
(If I explained this wrong or I’m missing something, please tell me, so I can amend this post.)
Here’s an easy resolution: This stuff is all free as long as you have access to a computer, and the skills you learn will be invaluable in your career, and/or life in general.
1. Become awesome at Excel.
Chandoo is one of many gracious Excel experts who wants to share their knowledge with the world. Excel excellence is one of those skills that will improve your chances of getting a good job instantly, and it will continue to prove invaluable over the course of your career. What are you waiting for?
Perhaps no other skill you can learn for free online has as much potential to lead to a lucrative career. Want to build a site for your startup? Want to build the next big app? Want to get hired at a place like BuzzFeed? You should learn to code. There are a lot of places that offer free or cheap online coding tutorials, but I recommend Code Academy for their breadth and innovative program. If you want to try a more traditional route, Harvard offers its excellent Introduction to Computer Science course online for free.
3. Make a dynamic website.
You could use a pre-existing template or blogging service, or you could learn Ruby on Rails and probably change your life forever. Here’s an extremely helpful long list of free Ruby learning tools that includes everything from Rails for Zombies to Learn Ruby The Hard Way. Go! Ruby! Some basic programming experience, like one of the courses above, might be helpful (but not necessarily required if you’re patient with yourself).
4. Learn to make a mobile game.
If you’re not interested in coding anything other than fun game apps, you could trythis course from the University of Reading. It promises to teach you how to build a game in Java, even if you don’t have programming experience! If you want to make a truly great game, you might want to read/listen up on Game Theory first.
5. Start reading faster.
Spreeder is a free online program that will improve your reading skill and comprehension no matter how old you are. With enough practice, you could learn to double, triple, or even quadruple the speed at which you read passages currently, which is basically like adding years to your life.
6. Learn a language!
With Duolingo, you can learn Spanish, French, Portuguese, Italian, or English (from any of the above or more). There’s a mobile app and a website, and the extensive courses are completely free.
Full disclosure: BuzzFeed and other websites are in a partnership with DuoLingo, but they did not pay or ask for this placement.
7. Pickle your own vegetables.
Tired of your farmer’s market haul going bad before you use it all? Or do you just love tangy pickled veggies? You too can pickle like a pro thanks to SkillShare and Travis Grillo.
8. Improve your public speaking skills.
You can take the University of Washington’s Intro to Public Speaking for free online. Once you learn a few tricks of the trade, you’ll be able to go into situations like being asked to present at a company meeting or giving a presentation in class without nearly as much fear and loathing.
9. Get a basic handle of statistics.
UC Berkeley put a stats intro class on iTunes. Once you know how to understand the numbers yourself, you’ll never read a biased “news” article the same way again — 100% of authors of this post agree!
10. Understand basic psychology.
Knowing the basics of psych will bring context to your understanding of yourself, the dynamics of your family and friendships, what’s really going on with your coworkers, and the woes and wonders of society in general. Yale University has its Intro to Psychology lectures online for free.
11. Make your own music.
Step one: Learn how to play guitar: Justin Guitar is a fine and free place to start learning chords and the basic skills you’ll need to be able to play guitar — from there, it’s up to you, but once you know the basics, just looking up tabs for your favorite songs and learning them on your own is how many young guitar players get their start (plus it’s an excellent party trick).
Step two: A delightful free voice lesson from Berklee College Of Music.
Step three: Have you always thought you had an inner TSwift? Berklee College of Music offers an Introduction to Songwriting course completely for free online. The course is six weeks long, and by the end of the lesson you’ll have at least one completed song.
Step four: Lifehacker’s basics of music production will help you put it all together once you have the skills down! You’ll be recording your own music, ready to share with your valentine or the entire world, in no time!
12. Learn to negotiate.
Let Stanford’s Stan Christensen explain how to negotiate in business and your personal life, managing relationships for your personal gain and not letting yourself be steamrolled. There are a lot of football metaphors and it’s great.
13. Stop hating math.
If you struggled with math throughout school and now have trouble applying it in real-world situations when it crops up, try Saylor.org’s Real World Math course. It will reteach you basic math skills as they apply IRL. Very helpful!
14. Start drawing!
All kids draw — so why do we become so afraid of it as adults? Everyone should feel comfortable with a sketchbook and pencil, and sketching is a wonderful way to express your creativity. DrawSpace is a great place to start. (I also highly recommend the book Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain if you can drop a few dollars for a used copy.)
Have you never really “gotten” jazz? If you want to be able to participate in conversations at fancy parties and/or just add some context to your appreciation of all music, try this free online course from UT Austin.
Another invaluable skill that will get you places in your career, learning Photoshop can be as fun as watching the hilarious videos on You Suck At Photoshop or as serious as this extensive Udemy training course (focused on photo retouching).
Instructables has a great course by a woman who is herself an online-taught knitter. You’ll be making baby hats and cute scarves before this winter’s over!
21. Get started with investing in stocks.
If you are lucky enough to have a regular income, you should start learning about savings and investment now. Investopedia has a ton of online resources, including this free stocks basics course. Invest away!
Most cities have free community classes (try just searching Google or inquiring at your local yoga studio), or if you’re more comfortable trying yoga at home, YogaGlohas a great 15-day trial and Yome is a compendium of 100% free yoga videos. If you’re already familiar with basic yoga positions but you need an easy way to practice at home, I recommend YogaTailor’s free trial as well.
24. Tie your shoelaces more efficiently.
It’s simple and just imagine the minutes of your life you’ll save!
writing tip: don’t tell us your character’s backstory. don’t tell us what your character is thinking. don’t tell us what your character is doing. don’t tell us anything. the reader should simply look at a blank page and be suddenly overcome with emotion.
Archive 