yousyouk:

hands2muyself:

arokaladin:

ten quick and easy ways to be an aro ally (because my previous posts have been about allying in specific ways and/or just said shit like ‘dismantle amatonormativity’ and I appreciate none of you knows what the fuck that means):

1. Think critically about how much work you put into your freindships as opposed to your romantic relationships and if necessary (hint: it will be necessary) try for a more even balance. That way you have a better spread out support network and your friends get more of your time and love, which will be especially nice for the aromantics in your life.
2. Read up on relationship anarchy! A quick google search will bring up some super interesting articles, and they may also help you to support and better understand the polyam people in your life.
3. Aim to see aromanticism as on the same level as importance as other queer identities: include us in pride edits and posts, make aro headcanons along with gay/bi/trans/etc. ones, and when you say LGBT+? mean it, and discuss the + identities just as much as the original acronym.
4. Don’t ship aro characters. Doesn’t matter if you think their canonisation was ‘dubious’ or ‘applies in the books but not the films’. This is an area where you have to accept that your alloromantic (that’s our word for non-aromantic!) opinion comes second. Aros need all the rep we can, so it’s disrespectful to ignore even the vaguest of canonisations.
5. Listen to aromantics rather than asexuals about aromantic issues. This seems obvious, but unfortunately some alloromantic asexuals present themselves as authorities and may even act like they are exempt from being arophobic (prejudiced against aromantics). The asexual and aromantic communities are close and share some of the same goals, but still don’t speak for each other.
6. Try to stop using phrases like ‘just friends’ or ‘more than friends’, as they contribute to aros feeling like our relationships don’t matter. This will also help with steps 1 and 2 as the aim once again is to stop seeing romantic love as ‘better’ than friendship and to start seeing it as ‘different’, but just as beautiful.
7. Don’t make fun of our terms even if you think they’re ‘weird’. You may not understand alterous attraction, squishes, or queerplatonic relationships, but that’s not to say you never will and it doesn’t mean you should mock them.
8. Think about what content you put on your blog, and even if you think its cute, consider how it might make you feel if you didn’t experience romantic attraction. (ship meta is a good place to apply this step).
9. Although some see it as silly, tagging things like ‘kissing’ or having a general ‘romo’ tag, can help aros avoid upsetting content. You might also want to avoid personalised ship tags because they make it harder for us to blacklist the ships. Romance repulsion is serious and it sucks a whole lot.
10. Accept criticism if you do something wrong. You probably will at some point, because some things which intuitively seem helpful are not. For instance lots of people like to add to their soulmate AUs that ‘of course, aros have platonic soulmates!’, but that still enforces that we need some kind of ‘other half’ and can be annoying to see. I also saw someone include the aro flag on lgbt valentines day merch and while I guess it was well meaning…. yeah. don’t. Listen if we tell you to stop something, and apply the new knowledge next time.

biggest one for me is the shippping bit. please. if you would be angry with a straight ship for a canon gay character, please don’t ship aro characters.

quick question: what would be the alternative word for “shipping” if you really felt a QPR for an aro character and another person? is there an alternative? or is it best to simply explain that’s how you feel rather than use a term for now.

plus i really feel like i have to contest number 8. it comes from a good place, certainly, but i feel like the trappings of it are covered by the other points and i’m concerned that people might feel it implies more than you intended.

surely if a post is correctly tagged and it doesn’t imply that romantic relationships are the be-all-and-end-all of relationship goals for everyone then you can post any romancey thing you want? it’s important to remember that a lot of romances don’t get all that much celebration and while it’s good to avoid language that implies it’s the best way to live, i don’t think telling people to be wary about fantasising about romances or talking about it being a great thing.

because it is! just as QPRs are great, and just as a friendship network that isn’t exclusive is great. especially within the queer community it’s important to look out for one another and it’s not always possible to cater to everyone simultaneously. like… i feel like i’m explaining this weirdly but a romantic relationships that are frowned upon do deserve a bit of bigging up, you feel?

again i highly doubt you were implying anything like this – but i do think it’s important to ensure lists like this are not interpreted incorrectly and clearing up the language of that point in particular (i felt it was vague – especially since it implied additional action to the other points) would help everyone understand each other better 😀