theroguefeminist:

the common wisdom women are told not to have sex with a man right away if she’s interested in a deeper relationship because he’ll think she’s easy/cheap or get bored with her now that he’s gotten sex IS rooted in sexism BUT the actual advice to wait longer isn’t actually bad advice, it’s just the logic behind it has become warped to blame women for men’s misogyny

this advice probably stems from the fact many women experience putting out for men on the first date and then never seeing the relationship develop – but it’s not that a woman has missed out some deep, fulfilling relationship because she didn’t keep it in her pants long enough. it’s that the man wasn’t interested in a long term relationship with her but saw sex as an opportunity. in all likelihood he was only interested in sex to start or, once he decided he wasn’t interested in her specifically, pursued sex anyway bc, to the entitled male psyche, why not? even if a guy was so hypocritical and sexist as to dub a woman cheap, then sleep with her anyway, none of that is a woman’s fault. in either scenario: the man is still using you for sex, nothing more

there’s actual logic in holding out on sex if you have a deeper interest simply because it helps you weed out the assholes who will fuck you under false pretenses. women are told having sex early on undercuts their value to men, but really the men who “hit it and quit it” have already undervalued women as a whole anyway and never were interested in a deeper relationship to start