fandomsandfeminism:

fandomsandfeminism:

10 tips to improve your body image

I think a lot of us around here know the struggle to be happier with our bodies without plunging into unhealthy-doomed-to-fail-diets. So, as someone who has gotten to a pretty good place over the last 10 years since leaving the hellhole that is high school, some tips. Not all of these will work for you, but theeu did work for me. Some strategies to try:

1. Find things you have easy control over and enjoy the hell out of it. Hair color, tattoos, sparkly nails. Enjoy the parts of your look that are easy to control. I never loved my upper arms until I covered them in flowers.

2. Stop doing stuff that makes you miserable or stressed just because you are “supposed to”. For me, that was shaving. Hated it. Made me anxious. Stopped doing it. It helped a lot. No one has ever burst into flames because I have armpit hair.

3. Buy a kickass jacket. Now you look awesome no matter what. This also works for boots and very loud jewelry.

4. Find some self care routines that are easy and make you feel good. I recommend some face lotion with low spf in the morning and some multivitimans and moisturizing wipes for before bed.

5. In the morning when you get dressed, look in the mirror and compliment yourself. You look awesome, bad ass, adorable, cute as fuck. This might feel like a lie at first. One day, it wont.

6. Absolutely stop counting calories. This is not helpful. Not only does it make eating stressful, it isnt doing anything for your health. Calories are meaningless. 100 calories of spinach and 100 calories of rice and 100 calories of chicken are all very different nutritionally, both good and bad. Foods dont exist on a good/bad binary and no single number is going to help you be healthy. (In general, minimize carbs and sugar. Maximize protein and leafy veggies. But its ok to splurge. Food should bring you joy. FOOD SHOULD BRING YOU JOY.)

7. Find a fitness goal that doesnt involve your weight. Exercising feels good and can help with body image, but not if you end every session by stepping on a scale. I’m training to hike the grand canyon. I need endurance amd muscle mass. My weight literally doesnt matter for that.

8. If you are getting ready for your day and you start to second guess your outfit- repeat after me “I am not obligated to look perfect all the time. It’s ok for me to be comfortable. I don’t owe anyone my looks.” The world won’t end if you go to Target without looking fuckable enough. Its ok. Most people really wont give a shit, and those who would be upset by how a stranger looks in public are gross weirdos.

9. Clothes shopping sucks because ready made clothes are meant to look good on hangers, not on human bodies. Take your time, dont blame yourself for the clothes sucking, dont feel obligated to buy clothes that dont look good because you WANT them to look good.

10. Sometimes what you need is a big glass of water and a good stretch. Back bend, toe touch, torso twist. No joke, look up some easy yoga moves. Let your body breathe.

My final note is this: dont judge yourself by pictures and selfies and scales. Its impossible to take a good photo of the moon or a rainbow on your cellphone. Some beauty can not be captured by still images. You don’t owe the world your beauty. Your body doesnt need to be curated for others. Its your home. Its the only place you get to live. Its no ones but yours. Snuggle into it, paint the walls, find your peace there.

I really like that most of the notes are people talking about the specific jacket/boots/outfit that makes them feel good. Lol

jumpingjacktrash:

amysubmits:

cynicaldom:

When communicating to someone about a sensitive topic, I’ve found it’s helpful to explain why you want to talk about it. If you say you’re worried, or hurt, or just needed to get it off your chest, it can help the other person not get defensive and then more completely process what you’re saying. 

Many relationships die by a thousand little cuts. Little problems that on their surface are penny-ante. But the real offense, the hurt, is unresolved. And the little hurts pile up and the resentment builds until things fall apart.

It’s very easy for people to read a bad intent when you’re communicating a problem. Sometimes it’s a natural defense mechanism, if you think someone is just being shitty then you don’t have to really hear them. But it can just as often simply be an incorrect assumption. Communicating your intent can stop that from happening and help the conversation come to a more fruitful resolution.

But if you break it down, your intent is not just a lubricant to keep the conversation productive. Your intent is the point of the conversation. More often than not the problems we have with each other are not the real issue, it’s how those problems make us feel. When you communicate your intent, you’re fully explaining the issue that needs to be resolved.

“I’ve been missing you, could you skip your TV show tonight so we can play a video game together?” works better than “You don’t give me enough attention.” or “you watch too much TV.”

Or “I suspect it’s just my anxiety, but I’m worried that you’re angry with me because you’ve been kind of quiet.” is better than just “Why are you so distant?”

For years I worried that we couldn’t discuss problems because it would cause a fight. That was how the world I lived in as a kid worked. Having a partner who is open to hearing you is huge, but choice of wording helps even when you have a partner who wants to hear you. 

very good advice. it really helps when you give the other person something actionable. a request, a suggestion, an offer to brainstorm. don’t complain; troubleshoot.

you don’t have to be emotionless or conciliatory. it’s ok to express anger. just be mature about it, and respect the other person. don’t go on a power trip, don’t leverage your legitimate gripes to make them grovel. keep your eyes on the prize. if you don’t know what the prize is, the next step is to tell them so and invite them to help you figure it out, not to moan until they miraculously do the right thing at random. even when you’re super upset you can still apply these skills.

wrong: “this place is a damn landfill because nobody but me does any housework!”

right: “there is some serious housekeeping fail going on around here. it’s kinda driving me bugfuck. i want to sit down and take a look at how we do the housework, because how we’re doing it right now sucks.”

see how the second one doesn’t blame? blame’s not important. responsibility is important, but that has to be worked out calmly or it’s not going to be functional. the first person is picking a fight; the second person is trying to solve a problem. you’ll notice they’re not smoothing ruffled feathers or acting apologetic, they’re clearly quite annoyed. but they’re aiming their anger at the situation, not the person.

even if they are angry with their housemate, working those feelings out is beyond the scope of the conversation. trying to combine venting with chore planning is, imo, the number one cause of screaming kitchen fights on planet earth.