In the USA, it’s 100x cheaper to take an Uber to the hospital instead of an ambulance.
I don’t know if this is true or.. Like, having to pay for an ambulance that is taking you to the hospital? That doesn’t make any sense. What kind of distopian world is that?
It costs thousands of dollars to ride in an ambulance
In America some people with chronic health conditions like epilepsy literally have to wear medical IDs that say “don’t call an ambulance/911”. Some well-meaning person calling an ambulance for you will turn into a thousand (or couple thousand) dollars that YOU are on the hook for, even though you didn’t make the call. So, PSA: if you see someone having a seizure, look for a medical ID! You should only call an ambulance if: the person is elderly, pregnant, or the seizure lasts more than 4 minutes. Otherwise, wait for the seizure to pass, then ask the person if they want an ambulance when they regain consciousness.
wtf
Oh my god what.
Here in Quebec, if you call an ambulance for something they deem non-emergency, you get a bill later for like $180. But if it’s anything like a loss of consciousness, chest pains, labour, whatever, or if you’re in a public place and a a well-meaning samaritan calls 911, it’s paid for by the government.
Seriously, everything about healthcare in the US makes me want to cry.
Imagine a world where you have to wear tags to tell people trying to help you that “It’s ok, don’t try to help, I can’t afford to pay if someone tries to save my life. I’ll just take my chances and hope it’s not life-threatening.”
Literally the point of this post is that Americans do not have to imagine that world. We live in it
To put it quite simply, editing is boring. And slow. And mind numbing. And frustrating. And long. Here’s a checklist to make it a little bit easier.
Write It. Then Don’t Touch It: Finish the scene, story, novel, paragraph, vignette, prompt, or chapter, then stop. Take a step away from your computer (or notebook. Hardcore) and leave it alone. There’s no hard and fast rule for how long, but the idea is to literally forget as much of what you just wrote as possible. The more you read the same thing over and over, the more your brain skips over what you think you already know, and that means you will forget things. Lots of things. So leave it alone.
Spell-check: This should be the most obvious thing in the world, but if you haven’t, run the whole thing through a spellchecker. You may have turned it off so you don’t see red lines under things you know are spelled correctly. Yes, thank you spell-check, I understand that my made up fantasy names seem to trigger something in you, but tone down the enthusiasm.
Run it through again anyway. See red, squiggly line? Fix it. Run it through a grammar checker. Still see lines? Fix it. Then get Microsoft Word or something with a built in spell-check. Seriously.
Focus on one thing at a time: Focus on dialogue on the first run through, then do description next, punctuation after that, etc. Pick one thing to focus on for each pass so you don’t get distracted or confused. Create your own checklist of things to keep an eye out for and do a run through every once and a while.
Check for repetitiveness: Make sure your sentences and paragraphs don’t start with the same word/letter. If you can say the same thing in less words, do it. If the character says something twice in a row, cut it out. If two sentences in a row starts with the same letter, adjust it. Same with paragraphs. Vary sentence and paragraph length, as well. Occasionally, you’ll have dialogue or description that naturally falls this way, this is fine, just don’t make a habit of it, and be aware of it.
Watch your dialogue tags: How many times has your character ‘laughed’ or ‘sighed’ or ‘smiled’ in this chapter? This leans into the repetitiveness we talked about above. Use new words. Get them to do new things. Don’t just add for the sake of adding, but adjust accordingly.
Change how you read it: As stated above, the more you read your story, the less you see of it. Change the font size, or the font itself. Print the story out on paper (not really applicable for novels). Change the color of the font in your favorite word processor and mark problems in red, good passages in blue, things that need to stay in green, etc.
Keep notes as you write: This doesn’t help unless you’ve done it before you’ve started editing, but it’s helpful during edits. Keep track of everything. Add them everywhere. “Sarah has green eyes.” “John doesn’t like peas”. “Need to figure out a name for a town” “Need name for background character #7”, etc. That way you can write without needing to stop at every little question, and you can go back to make sure you stay consistent and Sarah doesn’t change eye color mid story.
Make your description match your scenes: Action scenes don’t need big words and flowing prose. Make it quick, concise, and urgent. Romance scenes and historical novels can take more description. Add all five senses. Describe more. Describe less. Make it work for what you’re writing. Give them different voices for dialogue. Make then all sound different and have distinctive tones.
Quick Checklist:
Put the story away and wait.
Fix all major spelling and punctuation problems.
Clean up the format (not majorly, just paragraph and sentence length and dialogue).
Go over notes. Adjust accordingly. Make more notes.
Make sure you have a good opening line.
Make us love (or hate) the characters accordingly.
Start close enough to the good stuff so it’s interesting, but not confusing.
Make your description match your scenes.
Make your dialogue match your characters.
Create conflict. Once you think you have enough, create more.
Cut out any and all dead spaces in your novel. Be brutal. Characters, dialogue, whole chapters. If it doesn’t fit, or make the story go forward in terms of plot, cut it. Don’t delete it though, create a document and save all your bits and pieces.. They could go in something else or spark some more ideas.
Make sure there’s enough to keep the reader engaged.
Fix all plot holes and add in back story.
Add in foreshadowing.
Make sure the story arc makes sense and ends with a satisfying climax.
Now that you’ve done all that, you’re ready for peer feedback! Find a good writing workshop, either in person or online, and post your newly edited story. You’ll get even more help and feedback and it will help polish up any and every part of your story. Plus you’ll get insight and ideas you’ve never even thought of.
If y’all could send an indignant tweet or two in the Quebec Premier Philippe Couillard’s direction, and also the Quebec Liberal Party, who sponsored the bill, it’d be something non-Canadians can do. If you live in Quebec, just call up your
writing style: author from the 1800s with a severe love of commas whose sentences last half a page
I came out here, to this point, to this place, hoping against all hope and despite signs and portends suggesting otherwise that I might, somehow, find myself having a pleasant experience, and yet here I stand, alone against the world, feeling assaulted, attacked on all fronts, knowing not my enemy’s name nor his face nor whether our battle is done.
….is that “I came here to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now” but by Oscar Wilde
take me out into the back yard and shoot me i’m not kidding
but i am kidding
but if you have the gun i have two whiskeys in me
and i hate how when you look at me
it goes straight through to the other side of the building
but i’m kidding because people have sensibilities
about this kind of thing and
we’re too comfortable laughing
but i’m not kidding
and this is a cry for help
but that’s too much so i’m just
jk everybody lighten up it’s just
that i smell like a grave so much and you like the way dirt tastes
and we’re both dancing around asking the other person
if they carry too much weight
but nobody wants a party where everybody’s hiding pain
so yeah i’m not joking i’m dying and
if you need someone i’m here
and i want you to stay
but on the other hand
my mom is watching
so yeah
i’m good is what i’m saying.
oh, my mistake, i was thinking of her life, of the smile that’s left her eyes, of how ashes taste, of how i had to burn the outfit he touched me in when it used to be my favorite
i was thinking of her, as a person instead of the money he’s capable of making
i know, astronomically, in the bank account, his future means more than my body because come on, didn’t he already own me? can’t i just get over it for him, for the sake of propriety?
oh, my mistake, there’s no fire here, just ghosts, just memory.
there’s such a small and specific little margin of people in the timeline of human existence who will ever know who metro station was. old people don’t know…. future generations won’t know… it’s just us. we lived through shake it and shake it will die with us